Switching Roles

Back in March I thought a lot about what I wanted to do in life after SPU. I knew I wanted to travel, but how and for what purpose were details I was still unsure of. In my decision to come with MCC, particularly to Viet Nam, a big part of it was that I wanted to experience culture in an entirely different way. I wanted to be in a place where I wasn't a part of the majority; where I could maybe start to understand what life would look like without my white, middle-class American assumptions. Not that I don't feel fortunate to have been born in the situation I was, but I know it isn't how the entire world is. And on my quest to learn and understand people and the world, I knew I needed a way to see beyond my own foundational assumptions.

So I moved to Asia. And I guess if I stop to think about it, I have found what I was looking for. But man, I don't like it. I really hate that there is no way for me to blend in. Granted there are certain parts of the city that I can go to where I can blend in with the tourists, but that is not where I tend to spend my time. There are so many things about me that make me stand out: my brown hair, along with the fact that it is curly (very rare here!), my light eyes, my lighter skin, the shape of my body, the cloths I wear, etc,. Any of these facts alone would signify to a Vietnamese person that I am not from here. I am different. Put them all together and there is no way to mistake it. I stand out.

I'm not used to standing out. The novelty of everyone wanting to talk to me has warn off and at moments it exhausts me. I feel used by people as soon as they start on the scripted questions (name, age, where one's from, and if you have a boyfriend). At home I very comfortably blend in and I never realized how much I enjoyed that. I can ride the bus in peace. I can ride my bike without motos following me (that is, if I actually was brave enough to ride a bike at home...). I can talk to people without feeling used for my "otherness".

And it is not that I feel threatened or like I am actually in any risk. If some of those things were to happen at home I might be tempted to consider it harassment, but here it is just what people do. Logically if I talk myself through it I know that people genuinely do just want to practice their English. Like a woman told me last week after running after me as I pulled up to the front gate of my house, "I've been looking for a foreigner friend". People have good intentions. They make assumptions about me and my culture, whether that regards my wealth, my tastes or my langauge just as I make assumptions about them. Both are probably wrong.

All I keep thinking is that I got what I asked for. It may be challenging, and frustrating but it is a different experience of the world. Maybe I just need to change the way I view these interactions, have a little more fun with them rather than dreading them. Maybe I'll start only responding in Vietnamese. Or, better than that, only respond in some made up language! :) That could make it interesting...either way, this living in Viet Nam thing is definitely a learning experience.