Taking Me Back...

Tonight I was driving home from a delightful Christmas party and I was listening to Florence and the Machine which happens to be one of my favorite cds. It was funny, because while I listen to that cd quite often, different songs at different moments take me somewhere. Tonight, despite the fact that I was coming from a party of close neighborhood friends that I was so excited to have spent quality time with, I was reminded so strongly of Viet Nam. I started listening to this cd in May, so it makes sense. But tonight it was not just Viet Nam in general, instead it was very, very specific spots. Drumming Song reminds me of Đường Láng and driving my xe may to swimming before work. Rabbit Heart reminded me Nguyễn Chí Thanh because it must of been about right there that I got to on my iPod after bible study on wednesdays on my way home. Then Swimming reminds me of La Thành, which can only be because that was a longer drive. When I was on that street it meant I was coming from the lake. It probably means I was hanging out with a foreigner friend in the touristy district. And I was probably in a hurry home, trying to not be too late for my curfew.

It's amazing how songs can connect so strongly to such specific locations. Not always. I listen to this cd all the time without reminiscing about Viet Nam. But not tonight. Tonight I wished I was driving home on my xe may, hopefully not in a rain storm. Making it through the four locks at my house. And making my way to bed on the fourth floor. I guess tonight I'll be content to find my bed in Sellwood, and be happy to be celebrating the holidays in the US.

The Mellow Side of Life

It seems blogging is not my current forte. Eh, what can you do.

Life has been a bit, well, mellow recently. A lot of waiting for things. So, I've been trying to find good waiting activities. I read The Hunger Games--gotta love a good young adult book--in two short days. This morning I went on the most delightful walk around my neighborhood, sat on a bench in the sunshine, went into new stores, wandered around in the grocery store. Sometimes waiting is boring. Sometimes it is relaxing. Sometimes I feel anxious about things. Sometimes I feel really content. I guess that is pretty much my life these days.

Pictures as Promised

Here are Christmas tree pics for you to enjoy. It was such a beautiful day--any day that requires a warm coat, scarf and sunglasses is a winner in my book! Half the fun of Christmas tree hunting is taking ridiculous pictures. Well, fun for some. Others act like they hate their life. But I wasn't fooled, I knew it was a clever guise for how much he loves being around me and being forced to smile for a million photos :)

The almost final product:

Christmas Tree Hunting

Today, my favorite holiday tradition since I was little is happening: Christmas tree hunting! The Yost Family (which now includes the See's) will come to the Temple family house, we will load up in two cars, segregated by gender, then take off with the goal of purposely annoying the boys by our round about approach to Christmas tree selecting. Undoubtedly, it will involve some hot chocolate, a candy cane or two, a conversation about the other holiday traditions we should start, a debate over what year this tradition started and which places we have gotten our trees from in the last couple of years and, if we are lucky, some cute farm animals. It's gonna be great. Pictures to come :)

Events like today remind me, once again, that even though I get increasingly frustrated by the feeling that this phase of transition will never end, I am so glad to be home. I wouldn't want to miss the great Christmas tree hunt of 2010, would I?!

A Dramatic Fall.

On Wednesday, I suffered a horrible loss: my computer of 6 years died a tragic death, crashing to its death in not the normal computer crash way but in the literal, fell off the arm of a couch kind of way. I'll admit it, immediately following the plunge I was not a happy girl. But then I had to remind myself that it is just a computer whose time was coming anyway.

But then, my grief turned into something else: reflection. Called me silly and dramatic, but that little guy was with me through a lot. My parents bought it as a graduation gift for me when I was in Israel. It lived on 3rd Hill with Laur and I, wrote my many papers with me, sent happy and not-so-happy emails, kept me in contact with people who are near and dear to my heart, played a lot of music for me, held on for dear life without a working battery for a year, and then survived many cafes with various types of electrical outlets and carried me through a year in Vietnam. That's a long and full life that lucky little computer lived.

And then, again, I remind myself that it was only a thing. And I will get a new one, that is faster and more efficient and whose battery really works. And who knows what kind of adventures that one will get to experience. I could only hope its life is just as exciting as its predecessor's.

Vast Things

"Love is at first not anything that means merging, giving over, and uniting with another (for what would a union be of something unclarified and unfinished still subordinate)--it is a high inducement to the individual to ripen, to become something in himself, to become world, to become world for himself, for another's sake, it is a great exacting claim upon him, something that chooses him out and calls him to vast things."

Rainer Maria Rilke via bell hooks, Wounds of Passion

Sometimes random parts of books really strike me. This is one of those parts. Bell hooks herself has lots of quotable moments--whole chapters even that leave me sitting in coffee shops making audible, affirming sounds of the wonderful words she uses and insight she has. And then she goes and throws in these other poets and authors and I just can't keep it to myself. I've read this passage out loud to a couple of people, and now I am sharing it with you. I hope you enjoy it and I hope that for everyone, love calls us to vast things.

So Much To Learn

This last week I have had two significant moments of remembering how much I don't know.

The most recent one came yesterday, when I was having a delightful conversation about American history, the south and the Civil War, followed by a trip to Powell's Bookstore. The conversation alone made me realize how little I know of American history; I learned it all at some point in life but definitely do not remember it anymore. And then the trip to Powell's...well, let's just say that a trip to a giant bookstore will always leave me feeling like there is not enough time in the world to read all that I'd like to and understand things as well as I'd like. My time there included visits in just 4 sections, cooking, travel, history and gender studies and I think I could spend a lifetime reading about each of those subjects individually. But, alas, I cannot do that. Luckily, I have a pretty decent backup plan: I will settle for fascinating conversations with the intelligent people I am so fortunate to have in my life and reading just a few books at a time (currently I'm attempting a sociological study of the history of marriage, a memoir by a prominent gender and race expert and a novel by Michael Chabon).

The other moment came last week when I attended a discussion on transgender rights at the Q Center here in Portland. It started with two professionals who advocate for transgender rights in Washington DC, then had a question and answer session, and finished with time for people who are actively working for transgender equality in the local community to share their experiences. I loved it! A few people who I have mentioned it to since then have kind of looked at me like, why would you go to that? For what purpose? And I guess there wasn't a purpose. Except to tangibly see that there is so much to be a part of. Did you know that just recently regulations were passed allowing a person to put the gender he or she identifies with on his or her passport, as opposed to the one they were born with? It seems like such a little thing; when I fill out paperwork I do not think twice about checking the "female" box. But many people do. Or did you know that it was just 9 years ago that the first lawyer focused specifically on transgender rights on a national level? These things are so recent! There are so many things to be done--things to be fought for.

So in this week following thanksgiving, I am reminded to be thankful for every opportunity to learn. In my unemployed state, I often feel unproductive and listless. But moments such as these help me to see the bigger picture. That I will survive this time of unemployment if I keep learning.

Home for the Holidays

As I sit here this morning, sipping on my London Fog from Starbucks and eating a delicious left over roll, glad to be back from my 6am shopping excursion, I am reminded that I am home this Thanksgiving. Yesterday was filled with family and friends and way too much food. This morning was filled with too much consumerism for 6am. The rest of the day will entail too much laziness. Let there be no doubt, it is an American holiday. And you know what, I'm going to embrace every moment of it :)

Although, it does make me think about where I was last Thanksgiving. I was at a conference with MCC and all of our local partners in the mountains. And I was celebrating the lovely Hannah's birthday. And I was forcing my host siblings to be my friend through American holiday crafts. I am grateful to be home this year and I am also reminded to be thankful for my friends in Viet Nam and the holidays I spent there.

Handy Resources

I'm officially moved into Sellwood! It's been fun to have someone else around in the mornings; temporarily gone are the days where it feels like everyone else in the world has a 9-5 job while I just sit, anxiously waiting for someone--anyone!--to be done with their grown up working and come be my friend. And I promise, the fun only discourages me a little bit from continuing to actively look for employment.

On that topic though, I had a realization this week. Moving into a new house entails a few details that I hadn't given a lot of thought to previously, like the fact that I now have to buy groceries for myself. I love grocery shopping and cooking, but in my unemployed state, funds are limited. Not in a desperate sense by any means, but the joy of grocery shopping is slightly tainted when you just feel your bank account depleting with each item in the basket. Ok, I'm being a little dramatic :) But the point is this: I am still unemployed and I now need to buy groceries and Oregon (I cannot speak to other places because Oregon is the only place I have attempted this in) has some pretty great resources for someone like me. I've utilized a few different things since being back and so I thought, why not see if I qualify for food stamps?! Turns out, I do! And not only that, but the applying process is really simple. So I now am benefiting from some pretty great social services.

This might sound strange, but I'm kind of excited to be utilizing these resources right now. Hopefully someday soon, I will be a productive, working citizen. But until then, I'm getting to experience this system and applying for things. As it turns out, there are some pretty handy resources available and some very nice people to help one access them. Thanks Oregon :)

Not Timed So Well

Some of you may remember that my first task when I moved home was to re-decorate my room in my parents' house. It served both as something to do and a way to have a sense of ownership over my new time here in Portland. I love, LOVE my new room. It is simple and clean and much less chaotic than my old--but wonderfully fun--room.

BEFORE:

After:

The thing that is both unfortunate and exciting about this lovely new room is that I didn't get to enjoy it for long. I am moving out this week! Moving in with a friend in Sellwood, where I dont see myself being for long but for now is a great step forward towards making Portland even more my own. It is an exciting time! Just poor timing for my new pretty room here.

Phone Bank Photos

Election day is over, and while results are not in (fingers crossed that Multnomah County pulls through for us!) it was quite a day. It started at 4am with door-to-door flyer drop offs and ended at 11pm when Kitzhaber himself sent the anxious crowd home from the election party. I ended the day with a whole host of emotions because, while this experience was very short, it was also phemonenal. It left me with a lot to think about, and maybe some new life dreams.

"We are not people who hope that things will change; we are the people that work to make it happen."

Its amazing how a 4am motivational speech can really get to you. Maybe it was that it was so freakin early, or maybe the day just left us all highly susceptible to all things cheesy, but whatever it was, it got me. I was reminded that I choose to live in a way that works towards change, to not just dream of it or talk about it. These last few weeks have been a fascinating lesson in what that could look like and I am, yet again, reminded that the possibilities are endless.

Enough cheesiness for now. Here are some pictures from my last couple days at the phone bank:

this is the bell you get to ring when you get a YES vote and the coffee mug that kept me going

Please notice the woman on the right. Sometimes calls get stressful

These are the boots I wore almost every day. Good, sturdy phone banking boots.

The very last phone bank session on election day. Of my 15 hours on the phone in the last three days , this one was the best: sleep deprived phone banking is my new fav! Although I'll be honest, I probably won't miss calling complete strangers, I am going to miss going in.

My New Phases

I was right, things pre-election are very busy! After two days of Halloween celebrating (hellllo 80's night!) that didn't actually occur on the day of Halloween, I'm back into election mode. Its eventful, thats for sure! And today, during all six hours I spent on the phone lauding the record of my friend John (and by friend, I mean the man I've never met who is running for governor), I had a song from a new CD stuck in my head. We all know I go through music phases, and this is my new one. I might as well have a musical phase to match my campaigning phase, right?! :) I have been listening to the cd non-stop for 3 days now. What can I say, I'm obsessed!

listen to me, please!

There are only 4 days until the election! It's an exciting time. I am grateful for the reminder my internship has provided that voting is a privilege; we have a voice that is heard. And my voice has been heard by many Oregonians this week. Statistics show that in 3 hours you contact about 70 people via a phonebank. That means 280 people have been the lucky recipient of this super enthusiastic voice:

"Hi! This is Alicia and I'm calling as a volunteer from Planned Parenthood PAC. How are you this evening?"

Now, many of the calls stop right there. Lots of hang ups. Lots of, "Don't waste your time". Lots of, "No thanks, I don't want any". But others let you go on. I've a couple really great calls. And a couple is all you need each night. If there is just someone to who the issue of a women's right to choose matters, who did not know that Kitzhaber is our only pro-choice candidate, who listens to me, then that is enough. And those calls even make it fun! Despite the fact that I still experience quite a bit of anxiety at the start of each night, if you give me a fun conversation and person to interact with and I'm engergized for at least the next 10 hang ups :)

Since the election is so close my next few days are looking pretty busy, which is still something I'm loving. Maybe when I re-joined the ranks of the unemployed my blog will consist of some of the sillier things in life. Because those are definitely happening too :)

Obama Obama

Again, my life seems to be working out just right these days. My fourth day as an intern involved an hour of data entry, and then the Kitzhaber/Obama rally!! The field organizer for PPAO (Planned Parenthood Advocates of Oregon--I'm still trying to keep my acronyms straight), who is also my boss, spoke at the rally. Now, imagine this with me: Obama, Kitzhaber, Oregon senators, OBAMA, and you. Speaking. To a crowd of 9,000 people. Here is a little blurb about her from Oregonlive:

"Of the various warm-up acts, only Jennifer Keenan of Planned Parenthood earned her keep, delighting the crowd with various digs at Dudley, the best being, “If you want to debate taxes, you should start paying them.”

It might be my new life goal, to get to be able to give an impassioned speech along side the president of the United States. Ok, I'll admit it: I'm smitten with everything about politics and the election right now. The energy is contagious, the people I'm meeting and interacting with are passionate and doing something about what they believe and seriously, I got to see the freaking President speak, as a part of my job. I dont know if a temporary internship could get much cooler.

Just In Time...

I started this blog at just the right time because I have something particularly new and exciting. I got an internship! I kind of consider it a half-job, not part time (although it is, I think it'll be about 24 hours a week) but half.

We interrupt this update for an important side-note: I just saw an ad for Sarah Palin's new reality TV show on TLC. Reeaaallly?!

I bet you are just bursting with excitment and curiousity right now about my half-job. Don't worry, I won't keep you in suspense any longer.

Because of a friend of a friend of a friend (yes, that is actually the accurate connection) I got the opportunity to meet with someone who works for the Planned Parenthood Political Action Committee. Right now, in this pre-election season, Planned Parenthood PAC is a very busy place. The Oregon governor race is close and when it comes to issues of women's rights there is a very obvious candidate. I now am working for the PP phone bank calling to clarify for people that John Kitzhaber (along with other candidates depending on where we're calling) is the candidate that represents a woman's right to choose. So yes, I am the person that is calling your home in the evening and asking if you can talk about politics for a minute. I'm really excited about the opportunity to be a part of something so exciting and so important. The internship only goes through the election, hence the "half-job" description. But its a start and I'm thrilled!

Tonight was my first night of participating in the phone bank, so I dont have any great stories... yet. If any of you living in Portland want to gather your own stories and experience it for yourself, I'd LOVE it if you'd join for a night or two :) Yes, I am already trying to recruit volunteers...

Yay for new opportunities and learning more new things!

A New Kind of Stability

"Disorder is inherent in stability. Civilized man doesn't understand stability. He's confused it with rigidity...and the blind pity is, rigidity isn't the same as stability at all. True stability results when presumed order and presumed disorder are balanced. A truly stable system expects the unexpected, is prepared to be disrupted, waits to be transformed...It is open, period. Gracefully open. That's stability. That's alive."

-Tom Robbins

I love this definition of stability because, in the past few months of life, "stable" is a feeling I rarely experience; everything feels new. Sometimes its simply eating Ethiopian food for the first time or going kayaking, and other times its as potentially complicated as learning how to navigate old relationships while at the same time forming new ones. For being unemployed and bored out of my mind half the time, I am often overwhelmed by the sheer volume of newness that seems to occur all the time.

That being said, I also love it. I love that being in Portland--coming "home"--is a new and exciting thing. I love that I feel like this is a different environment for me and somewhere to make my own. I love approaching this place as somewhere with just as many things to learn and experience as Viet Nam.

And because of these things, I love the idea that stabilty exists as the unexpected, the waiting, the disorder, the newness. I may have no idea what I'm doing the majority of the time, but that doesn't have to mean that I'm unsure of where I am and where I'm going.

So, for the sake of the two faithful readers that I think may exist, I have decided to return to this little blog of mine. If for no other reason than to acknowledge the new things that are happening, to help myself cope with them and to give Liz something to read at work :)

Reunited.

"I like to see people reunited, I like to see people run to each other, I like the kissing and the crying, I like the impatience, the stories that the mouth can't tell fast enough, the ears that aren't big enough, the eyes that can't take in all of the change, I like the hugging, the bringing together, the end of missing someone."

Extrememly Loud and Incredibly Close, Jonathan Safran Foer

A Toast to Tomorrow

tomorrow.

tomorrow.

tomorrow.

I mentioned that I might say something about my recent thoughts about expectations. Lets be honest, before the impending transition we all know I have a lot of them. The rather unfortunate thing is that most of them are vague and idealist and well...completely undefinable. At this point in time I know that I cannot do that entire thought process justice, but what I can do is share this awesome article. And I can highlight a quote for you:

"In so many ways, for so many of us privileged enough to make the most of our sparkly new opportunities, those years (20's) offer an exuberantly selfish scope for our ambitions, the chance to mold careers, social circles, homes and selves from the still-gloopy clay of late adolescence. But that doesn't mean that the stretches of time in which we work to make ourselves into who we'd like to be aren't also dispiriting and terrifying and frequently kind of boring."

And on that note, let's raise our glasses and toast together:

To expectations, To change, To sparkly idealism, To home. chúc sức khoẻ!

See you Thursday, dear mother land... :)

Before You Go...

There are some important things you must do before leaving Vietnam:

Contribute to society by making Uncle Ho prettier.

Hang out on a xe may and just happen to have a camera handy while you do it.

Go to Twilight and be those girls; laugh A LOT.

Go to lunch with a wonderful co-worker.

Force people to look like they like you in pictures, your 12-year-old host brother and Co Hue are good examples

Get Vang to look at the camera in a picture! This is harder than you might think.

And just enjoy your last days on the other side of the world!

A Packing Lesson

Yesterday I began the official process of packing. My family left for a vacation and will not be back before I leave, so we said our final farewells and left it with a promise that if I get married I will bring my husband back (obviously ever conversation about what I will do when I go home had to include that I will find a husband. Details have even been discussed: will I look for a rich one? big? one that lives near my parents? Clearly returning to my home country presents a plethora of significant other options...). Then I sadly walked back into the house and started gathering my belongings into two bags. Weird, eh? I’ve been making piles of things all week, so it wasn’t like I had not thought about it yet. But setting up the officially packing station in the middle of my floor made it undeniable: I am leaving.

I spent a while putting things in their rightful places, trying to be organized so that everything I need for the next week and a half is accessible and won’t require shifting the carefully constructed balance of weight. I felt like I was making good progress. Then I stopped and looked around me.

There is something very odd to me about cleaning and packing. I don’t think I have ever participated in an overhaul of the pack up one’s life from the entire year caliber that did not involve, at one point along the way, things looking way worse then when I started. At one point it looked like the tropical storm that is rumored to be heading towards Hanoi had come and gone and had hit only my living space.

But now it’s a day later, and the mess is relatively gone. Granted, I still have a little ways to go, but the closets are empty, my desk is cleared off and you can see the floors. The transition from my things living here to being on their way home is almost over.

But my personal transition is far from over, in fact, it has barely even started. I feel myself entering the chaos, the tropical storm phase where everything looks and feels worse than when you began. Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited, just like I was excited to pack and be done with it. I look forward to being settled and home, but I don’t look forward to the mess of getting used to it all: of creating routine there, finding a job, and readjusting. I know myself; I know at one point I will feel worse about my decisions than I do right now. But I also know that you have to make your way through the cluttered path to a place of contentment and comfort. Hopefully today’s packing lesson can stay with me in this next month, I think I’ll probably need it...

Glorious History

Sometimes I edit things for the Women's Union, which is the government department that oversees women's issues in Vietnam. Here is a little lesson from the "glorious history" of Vietnam for you:

"Since its establishment, VWU has been known as many different names, such as the Liberation Women's Union (1931-45), the Anti-imperialism Women's Union (1936-38), the Democratic Women's Union (1939-40), and then the Women League for National Salvation (WLNS) to carry out the common task of the nation in each specific period."

So in the course of 20 years (in 1950 it was officially made the Vietnam's Women Union), the VWU worked towards liberation, salvation and democracy (I'm sure there is some way to fit that word into the communist revolution...right?), and against Imperialism.

Gotta love history.

"Soon you will be in that part of the book where you are holding the bulk of the pages in your left hand, and only a thin wisp of the story in your right. You will know by the page count, not by the narrative, that the author is wrapping things up. You begin to mourn its ending, and want to pace yourself slowly toward its closure, knowing the last lines will speak of something beautiful, of the end of something long and earned, and you hope the thing closes out like last breaths, like whispers about how much and who the characters have come to love, and how authentic the sentiments feel when they have earned a hundred pages of qualification."-Donald Miller

I have some thoughts on expectations that I'm going to save for another day, because this--this passage from my favorite few pages of a book I've never read--articulates everything that is right now. 10 days people. 10 days.

Mía Đá

Summer has brought many things to Hanoi, most of which I am not a big fan of. But there is one thing that I am currently obsessed with that I have this blazing hot season to thank for: mía đá, also known as sugar cane juice. I've mentioned it before, but since the re-discovery in Da Nang a few weeks ago I've been stopping by the side of the road whenever I have a chance to indulge myself in this deliciously refreshing treat.

The appeal is more than just the drink itself, although with a cup full of ice, a fresh squeezed green fruit that is rumored to be kumquat--although I have yet to decide if I believe that rumor or not---called quả quất and pressed sugar cane you really couldn't ask for anything more revitalizing on a sweltering day. But no, the appeal also comes from the process of obtaining mía đá. Come June, signs popped out of nowhere, littering every street in Ha Noi with stall after stall of new vendors. Granted, I'm sure these vendors were there before, just selling another season's speciality. Now though, they have all decided to make the switch to mía đá. If you inclined for a cup you just have look for one of these:

After you stop and let someone park your xe may for you, you order một cốc mía đá (one cup sugarcane with ice) and watch the magic happen. Ok, maybe its not actually magic at all, it is just a motorized press, hearkening back those early days of Industrialization, or perhaps a vicious torture device from an earlier era. You get to watch the seller thread the already peeled sugar cane into the monster's teeth over and over, starting with a round bamboo like stalk and ending up with only a frayed pancake, eking out every iota of deliciousness. It entertains me to no end:

After that you simply enjoy. Whether it is in a bag to-go:

Or for a moment's reprieve from the xe may cluttered streets on one of the infamous Hanoi stools:

Or an outing with friends:

Then you pay your 6,000 VND (about $0.33) and continue on your way. A perfect moment for those days that reach a heat index of 118.

First of Many

Today is no ordinary Tuesday. No, today is the first real goodbye: this evening dear Mr. Joel will board a plane bound for his Canadian motherland, leaving behind a year of cafe cultivated friendships for an unknown, yet without a doubt exciting, future. Girls all over Vietnam---maybe even all across SE Asia---will cry themselves to sleep tonight knowing that our Canadian Don Juan has fled the country. Joel has the amazing ability to rally troops with just an hour notice for evenings of bia hơi delight (hold the bia for Joel) and, as I noticed in the last few weeks when he was away travelling, life in Vietnam just isn't as exhilarating without him. As a self-proclaimed creator of epic-ness, he has valiantly led the way deep into the Vietnamese country side on many xe may excursions, sometimes on longer and rougher trails than anticipated but always on track for an excellent story with only a few bumps and bruises along the way. Joel has supplied me with a treasury of completely useless facts throughout our always entertaining hangouts. Whether eating ice cream, drinking coffee, or on one of Joel's perpetual hunts for more food we have had a lot of fun this year; he has kept me sane with an infectious love for all things Vietnam and the ability to laugh at any and all situations. I cannot even begin to imagine what this year would have looked like without his friendship.

Joel arrived in Vietnam just a few weeks before Calah and I, and now leaves just two short weeks before we về quê (return home). His leaving marks yet another notch on the path to my own departure, adding a sense of reality to an event that is still hard for me to believe is actually going to happen. But it also gives me something more to look forward to at home because, luckily for Joel, Canada and the States are really not that far from each other and he can come visit me :)

This is the first official farewell of many that are to come in the following weeks. Goodbye to Joel. Canada is lucky to have you back.