I didn't expect living in another culture to be peachy all the time. It seems obvious that at some point there will be things I don't understand or things that I do that others can't get. While they are small things constantly--such as the things "everyone knows" (see past blog posts)-- there have been very few cultural shocks. My transition into vietnamese culture has been, for the most part, smooth.
That being said, I have my moments. In fact, there is one cultural habit that comes up all too often. I've maybe mentioned this before because it is not a recent realization--eating. It shouldn't be hard right? I actually really like the style of eating here. It isn't a plate of food for you, but dishes for the table. It's kind of like buffet style. You have a bowl, you put rice in it, then you take from dishes in the middle of the table as you eat. You kind of just dish a few bites worth at a time. Very communal. In theory, I really like it.
But the theory of it misses the participation of the other family members, or more accurately, their observations and vocal opinions of my participation. I have come to think of it as very Vietnamese to put food in someone's bowl for them. Or if it looks like you are slowing down to say, "an di" which is saying "eat" in a kind of command form. Eat more! Eat more! I think it is a mix of their way of providing and caring for you as well as wanting all the food on the table to be eaten. That in itself can get really exhausting, but I have learned to accept a normal amount of it and defend my bowl against their food advances. If you place your chopsticks just right when finished, you can keep your bowl clear of additional unwanted food.
What has made this cultural issue worse recently is that my family has decided that I do not eat enough. Why now, I have no idea. Now, I know that those who know me at home would not vouch for my adventurous food-eating spirit, but I promise, I try everything here. There are a few things I don't like and I'll admit to that if asked directly (meat processed into these weird circle things--not my fav) but for the most part, the food is just fine. I never walk away from a meal feeling hungry. I do not sneak other food after meals. At every dinner I eat a bowl of rice, (sometimes even a little more), some meat and normally a sizable portion of vegetables--when they are available (my family isn't big on the vegetable thing). And yet....they are concerned. The food attacks come on all fronts and do not let up as easy as before.
I don't think I can accurately paint a picture of how exhausting this is. Imagine with me for a moment: You're sitting at the dinner table, eating your rice and maybe a piece of delightfully boiled chicken. You have just taken the chicken, dipped it in the lemon/salt combo sauce and are taking your very first bite when on your right Chu Hung starts pointing to the next piece of chicken he wants you to eat while saying, "Alisa. Alisa" and simultaneously on the left Co Hue starts putting squid in your bowl and saying, "An Di. An Di". The multi-front attack is heighten by the fact that Co Sa just starts laughing from across the table and you don't understand enough Vietnamese to comprehend anything beyond the fact that you are simply trying to eat one thing at a time. The laughter stops when you actually finish eating (after having had at least a little of all the things they pointed at and are feeling pleasantly full) and suddenly you are surrounded by very disapproving looks. You eat too little, you are told in Vietnamese. Even though you don't understand all that Co Hue is saying as she starts whispering furiously under her breath, you definitely know that her frightfully disapproving glare in your direction means she is not pleased.
There are quite a few things that I would like to say in response to them but, even with the language barrier, I'm pretty sure those would be rude. Instead I just say no in the face of their disbelief and accept the disapproval. There is a tiny part of me that feels like it would be good to compromise and eat more to please them, but then I remember, I live here. I need to find a way of doing everyday things, such as eating, that is comfortable for me as well. Yes, I am still adapting to this new culture and some things about my behavior and attitude must change, but it is my body and I will eat how much I want to eat.
Do me a favor. Next time you sit down to a meal remember this lengthy rant and savor every bite until you are full and then....stop. Amazing, right? Who knew such a small thing could be so glorious?
Amen!
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