As This is My Life.

"Outlook I can only imagine
I am floating in a new direction
As this is my life."

This fantastic little poem comes from my Vietnamese notebook, which is full of lots of special treats :) I think it very accurately represents a new phase for my life.

Drumroll please..........................................

As of this week, I have extended my time here in Vietnam and will be staying until May of 2011*.

Eck!

This may or may not come as a surprise to you. The opportunity came up last month and I've been debating since. It was not an easy decision, actually not at all. There was a lot of back and forth, pros and cons, trying to think of all the places I could be next year, where I want to be, what I want from this time of life, where I think I'm heading and so on.

But then I realized, I have no idea of the answers to most of those questions. I simply have no idea about much of anything. What I do know is that I feel really content here. That I have time to keep exploring the world. That I should not limit myself or keep rushing to do the "next" thing. That wherever I am headed, I like the things this year is bringing up and challenging me to think about. I like learning Vietnamese. I like the idea of being in this job for longer than one year. I like the idea of living in my own apartment here. I just like it here.

I actually don't doubt that I would like wherever I am. I know returning to Portland could be a really good thing also. Being near my family and my friends. And I am excited to someday do that. The choice to stay did not come down to picking what was right or wrong, but simply about where I see myself for now. And as it turns out--rather surprisingly, even to me--I see myself here.

This is a vast over-simplification, but I think sums it up pretty well. This year is kind of like freshman year of college. Now, I really enjoyed my freshman year. But it also was not nearly as great as the following years. So much of that first year is spent just figuring things out: you have to take time to get used to things and adjust, figure out the structure and flow of life, try new things, and then try new-new things. Once you get to sophomore year, it's a totally different experience. You have more ownership over your experience, more freedom simply from the fact of having some level of understanding. I won't be starting at zero but will have a whole year of trial and error behind me. I'm excited to get the chance to have a sophomore year here!

So while my "new" direction actually is the same direction I am headed now, it feels quite different. I'm staying in Viet Nam!! Eck!


*Don't worry, I'll still be coming home for a few weeks this summer. I have a few very important weddings to celebrate. I should be in the states for about the first 3 weeks of August.