Taking Me Back...

Tonight I was driving home from a delightful Christmas party and I was listening to Florence and the Machine which happens to be one of my favorite cds. It was funny, because while I listen to that cd quite often, different songs at different moments take me somewhere. Tonight, despite the fact that I was coming from a party of close neighborhood friends that I was so excited to have spent quality time with, I was reminded so strongly of Viet Nam. I started listening to this cd in May, so it makes sense. But tonight it was not just Viet Nam in general, instead it was very, very specific spots. Drumming Song reminds me of Đường Láng and driving my xe may to swimming before work. Rabbit Heart reminded me Nguyễn Chí Thanh because it must of been about right there that I got to on my iPod after bible study on wednesdays on my way home. Then Swimming reminds me of La Thành, which can only be because that was a longer drive. When I was on that street it meant I was coming from the lake. It probably means I was hanging out with a foreigner friend in the touristy district. And I was probably in a hurry home, trying to not be too late for my curfew.

It's amazing how songs can connect so strongly to such specific locations. Not always. I listen to this cd all the time without reminiscing about Viet Nam. But not tonight. Tonight I wished I was driving home on my xe may, hopefully not in a rain storm. Making it through the four locks at my house. And making my way to bed on the fourth floor. I guess tonight I'll be content to find my bed in Sellwood, and be happy to be celebrating the holidays in the US.

The Mellow Side of Life

It seems blogging is not my current forte. Eh, what can you do.

Life has been a bit, well, mellow recently. A lot of waiting for things. So, I've been trying to find good waiting activities. I read The Hunger Games--gotta love a good young adult book--in two short days. This morning I went on the most delightful walk around my neighborhood, sat on a bench in the sunshine, went into new stores, wandered around in the grocery store. Sometimes waiting is boring. Sometimes it is relaxing. Sometimes I feel anxious about things. Sometimes I feel really content. I guess that is pretty much my life these days.

Pictures as Promised

Here are Christmas tree pics for you to enjoy. It was such a beautiful day--any day that requires a warm coat, scarf and sunglasses is a winner in my book! Half the fun of Christmas tree hunting is taking ridiculous pictures. Well, fun for some. Others act like they hate their life. But I wasn't fooled, I knew it was a clever guise for how much he loves being around me and being forced to smile for a million photos :)

The almost final product:

Christmas Tree Hunting

Today, my favorite holiday tradition since I was little is happening: Christmas tree hunting! The Yost Family (which now includes the See's) will come to the Temple family house, we will load up in two cars, segregated by gender, then take off with the goal of purposely annoying the boys by our round about approach to Christmas tree selecting. Undoubtedly, it will involve some hot chocolate, a candy cane or two, a conversation about the other holiday traditions we should start, a debate over what year this tradition started and which places we have gotten our trees from in the last couple of years and, if we are lucky, some cute farm animals. It's gonna be great. Pictures to come :)

Events like today remind me, once again, that even though I get increasingly frustrated by the feeling that this phase of transition will never end, I am so glad to be home. I wouldn't want to miss the great Christmas tree hunt of 2010, would I?!

A Dramatic Fall.

On Wednesday, I suffered a horrible loss: my computer of 6 years died a tragic death, crashing to its death in not the normal computer crash way but in the literal, fell off the arm of a couch kind of way. I'll admit it, immediately following the plunge I was not a happy girl. But then I had to remind myself that it is just a computer whose time was coming anyway.

But then, my grief turned into something else: reflection. Called me silly and dramatic, but that little guy was with me through a lot. My parents bought it as a graduation gift for me when I was in Israel. It lived on 3rd Hill with Laur and I, wrote my many papers with me, sent happy and not-so-happy emails, kept me in contact with people who are near and dear to my heart, played a lot of music for me, held on for dear life without a working battery for a year, and then survived many cafes with various types of electrical outlets and carried me through a year in Vietnam. That's a long and full life that lucky little computer lived.

And then, again, I remind myself that it was only a thing. And I will get a new one, that is faster and more efficient and whose battery really works. And who knows what kind of adventures that one will get to experience. I could only hope its life is just as exciting as its predecessor's.

Vast Things

"Love is at first not anything that means merging, giving over, and uniting with another (for what would a union be of something unclarified and unfinished still subordinate)--it is a high inducement to the individual to ripen, to become something in himself, to become world, to become world for himself, for another's sake, it is a great exacting claim upon him, something that chooses him out and calls him to vast things."

Rainer Maria Rilke via bell hooks, Wounds of Passion

Sometimes random parts of books really strike me. This is one of those parts. Bell hooks herself has lots of quotable moments--whole chapters even that leave me sitting in coffee shops making audible, affirming sounds of the wonderful words she uses and insight she has. And then she goes and throws in these other poets and authors and I just can't keep it to myself. I've read this passage out loud to a couple of people, and now I am sharing it with you. I hope you enjoy it and I hope that for everyone, love calls us to vast things.

So Much To Learn

This last week I have had two significant moments of remembering how much I don't know.

The most recent one came yesterday, when I was having a delightful conversation about American history, the south and the Civil War, followed by a trip to Powell's Bookstore. The conversation alone made me realize how little I know of American history; I learned it all at some point in life but definitely do not remember it anymore. And then the trip to Powell's...well, let's just say that a trip to a giant bookstore will always leave me feeling like there is not enough time in the world to read all that I'd like to and understand things as well as I'd like. My time there included visits in just 4 sections, cooking, travel, history and gender studies and I think I could spend a lifetime reading about each of those subjects individually. But, alas, I cannot do that. Luckily, I have a pretty decent backup plan: I will settle for fascinating conversations with the intelligent people I am so fortunate to have in my life and reading just a few books at a time (currently I'm attempting a sociological study of the history of marriage, a memoir by a prominent gender and race expert and a novel by Michael Chabon).

The other moment came last week when I attended a discussion on transgender rights at the Q Center here in Portland. It started with two professionals who advocate for transgender rights in Washington DC, then had a question and answer session, and finished with time for people who are actively working for transgender equality in the local community to share their experiences. I loved it! A few people who I have mentioned it to since then have kind of looked at me like, why would you go to that? For what purpose? And I guess there wasn't a purpose. Except to tangibly see that there is so much to be a part of. Did you know that just recently regulations were passed allowing a person to put the gender he or she identifies with on his or her passport, as opposed to the one they were born with? It seems like such a little thing; when I fill out paperwork I do not think twice about checking the "female" box. But many people do. Or did you know that it was just 9 years ago that the first lawyer focused specifically on transgender rights on a national level? These things are so recent! There are so many things to be done--things to be fought for.

So in this week following thanksgiving, I am reminded to be thankful for every opportunity to learn. In my unemployed state, I often feel unproductive and listless. But moments such as these help me to see the bigger picture. That I will survive this time of unemployment if I keep learning.